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Naming Our Stories for Helpful Self-Talk April 7, 2015

The stories we live by in our minds can be helpful or unhelpful to our wellbeing. These stories may be based on reality but they also can exacerbate how we feel about our reality by what we are telling ourselves. The stories I am speaking of enlist and entail the self-critic, self-judgments, shaming, personalizing, shoulding, paranoia, negativity, worry, and internalization of what others do or don’t do. Identifying a personal, memorable, even humorous name for this story that encapsulates all…

How to apply the safety to your Emotional Triggers March 19, 2015

Centering Awareness on the mind and body Grounding through Relaxation or Mindfulness Flip the switch to more Helpful Self-Talk Reconciling the trigger with Communication   Who doesn’t have emotional triggers? I know I get bent out of shape when someone on the freeway doesn’t let me in and when someone is driving too slow and when I feel disrespected or undervalued. Awareness of our emotional triggers can be helpful in order to gain an increased internal locus of control and…

4 Steps to Mental Flexibility February 19, 2015

A hallmark of good mental health is mental flexibility. Mental flexibility is being able to roll with the punches, not being too rigid in our opinions of the way things ought to be or how others should act allows for less emotional reactivity, less upset feelings, and less judgment of ourselves, our behaviors, and others. Being too rigid is also known as being aggressive, opinionated, or pushy. On the flip side, too much mental flexibility can be problematic as well. Being…

The High Road of Thought and Emotion October 31, 2014

Both the high and low roads of thought and emotion can get you where you want to go by nature of where you place your attention, focus, and energy… But is one road or path preferred over the other? When THINKING of our life’s path and daily dealings, our reality is 100% impacted by our thoughts and emotions (attention, focus, and energy). Thinking positively is fantastic but it can also create extremes in our emotions such as avoidance and denial of negative…

Moving From Black and White Thinking to Shades of Gray October 6, 2014

There are many limits to thinking only in black and white terms. It can impact one’s mood, can limit personal choices and opportunities, damage relationships, and ultimately create suffering for the user and others around them. Black and white thinking limits one’s ability to have “win, win” experiences or exchanges. It also limits opportunities for learning from mistakes. In the mind of the black and white thinker there must be a definitive winner and loser in most situations. When one sees…

3 Methods to Silence the Story In the Head September 29, 2014

Do you ever get caught up in your own story? Yeah, me too. Everyone is familiar with “the story in the head”. The constant chatter in our minds that can look for and find problems, worries, anxieties, judgments, etc… Sometimes the story is dead on and sometimes it is dead wrong. The story can be endless and can hijack our moods. One minute we can be in a great mood, carefree and happy, and then someone annoys or frustrates us,…

Self-Sabotage September 18, 2014

What is Self-Sabotage? Self-Sabotage is the tendency to engage in self-limiting, sometimes impulsive, risky, or fear based behaviors. These behaviors can alter outcomes in order to validate negative thoughts and deep seated negative beliefs. An example of a negative thought and belief might be “I knew it wouldn’t work out for me. It never does”. On an unconscious level the belief and behaviors of self-sabotage help to thwart circumstances leading to desirable and favorable outcomes. Self-sabotage can be understood as a…

Anxiety September 11, 2014

Anxiety can be debilitating. It is a feeling of fear, unease, and worry. It can keep us up all night and cause us to be distracted during the day. What causes anxiety is almost always our thoughts that trigger these feelings of unease. Sometimes though, anxiety can hijack us out of what appears to be know where. A simple intervention to reduce anxiety is focusing on your breathing but also self-affirming your presence. You see anxiety is associated with the…

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